The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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