I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
