just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
