Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
