Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
