On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
