I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
