just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
