I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
