I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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