The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
