Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
