saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
