Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
