I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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