toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize