I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize