Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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