Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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