I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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