We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
