paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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