at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
