I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
