I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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