Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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