Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
