for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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