We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
