Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
