How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
