So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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