Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
