I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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