So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
