she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Terrible idea I love it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
