he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
