Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
