I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
