So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
