My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
