Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So much Jack, so little girl.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
