Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
