Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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