the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
