Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
