Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
