good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
