Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
