So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
