guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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