My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
