Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
