If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
