Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
