I think my vagina is haunted
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you win again, gameday.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
