I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
