I just made out with a guy for $7.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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