So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
