I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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