Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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