I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
