the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
