I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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