dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm really busy with my period
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