I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
