Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
