My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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