I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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